Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
