Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
