Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
