I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
