So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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