I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
