sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
