Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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