You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize