it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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