Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
