ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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