Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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