did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
