You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
