I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
