If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
