I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
