i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
