Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
