Only a mothe r could love this liver
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
