Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize