He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
