I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
