Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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