You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
