so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
