i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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