my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
