Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
