Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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