I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize