I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
