i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
