You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
