this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
