I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
