he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
