I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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