I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
