So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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