I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
