I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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