don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The uberlube is also flammable
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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