Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
