this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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