Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
