I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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