I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
