I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
