The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
