what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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