I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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