Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
