sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
