areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Life is so much better after having sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
