sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
