why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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