Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
