I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
