my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Terrible idea I love it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
