You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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