I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
