You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize