He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im holly from the hills drunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize