In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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