You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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