life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
