What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
