well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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