I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my shit smells like andre
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize