No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
