I should be sponsored by Trojan
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
