Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
