Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
