found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want her autograph on my taint
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
