i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
