I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
