I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize