toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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