I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
