after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
