id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize