Do you still have your period?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
