The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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