haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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