How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
