I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
