Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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