I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize